Tuesday, January 11, 2005
White Noise
Electronic Voice Phenomena (EVP) is basically defined as “unexpected voices that can be heard in recording media” such as radio and TV. Yep, the afterlife is talking to us through a fuzzy radio or TV station. Ever see Poltergeist? Remember the kid staring at the fuzzy TV? There you have it. That film scared me into sleeping on the floor in my parents room for a month – and I was 13 at the time!
So the movie White Noise comes out, based on the very real EVP. It looks and sounds like it has all the makings of a great scary movie, right? Oh, and Michael Keaton, one of my favorite actors, came back from the dead (so to speak) to star in it. I was SO excited; I thought this would be a great, fun scary movie to start off the year. Then I realized it was rated PG-13 and we were going to see it on opening weekend, at night. Flashbacks of loud, overreacting kids at Swim Fan came to my mind, but we were chaperoning my nephew and 12 of his buds for his birthday, so what the hell.
Keaton plays Jonathan Rivers, a successful architect and father on his second marriage to an aspiring young writer named Anna (Chandra West). When his new wife disappears, some whack-o named Raymond Price (Ian McNeice) follows Rivers to tell him his dead wife is speaking to Price through EVP. Ya see Price has some big set-up of TV screens and recording devices. He is obsessed with communicating with the dead through EVP! When Rivers meets a woman named Sarah Tate (Deborah Kara Unger) at Price’s house and he sees how this EVP has affected her and helped her cope with a recent death in her family, he starts to believe. Then, he starts to obsess! Seriously, even the kid is asking if he’s going to be OK. I mean, the guy stares at a fuzzy TV all damn day! And don't get me started on the blind psychic - seriously, how can she have visions if she CAN'T SEE!
I’m done with the description of the film because I don’t want to give away anything if you want to see it, but I’ve got to tell you why this film did not work for me.
The first and foremost issue with ANY scary movie is trying to shoot for the PG-13 rating. God bless the kids we brought because all were very well behaved, but they were the exception to the rule. Besides, every one of them came walking out of the film saying, “I don’t get it.” And the girls at these films are constantly overreacting to the slightest scares and jumpy parts. We’re talking high-pitched, shrilling screams! No need for that crap – just add a few more f-words so we can get an R rating and people that can handle this kind of film will enjoy it for what it is. I walk out of the theater after a PG-13 scary movie wondering if it was indeed scary – without the screams of the kids, who knows?
Another issue I had with this film was that it didn’t live up to its potential. Seriously, EVP is a creepy thing and seeing it on the TV show Ghost Hunters is the only highlight that show ever provides.
The biggest issue with the film is the awful script. The film took almost forever to set up and get moving. And Keaton, dude, I know you need work, but DAMN! When you turned to the TV screen, pointed and said, “she’s gonna die because she’s on the tape!” I seriously chuckled. That was a horrible, stupid line and I can’t believe he had to stoop down that far to pay the rent.
If I can go back to the PG-13 rating issue, other than the kids not getting it and the overreacting girls, here’s the biggest problem: kids react differently to situations than adults. For instance, you can’t injure a character and then show them in the next scene tooling around in a motorized wheelchair without expecting the audience to crack up! These people are used to South Park, Office Space, and (insert Ben Stiller movie here) – injured people in motorized wheelchairs are now comedy routines and make for the quick laugh. Sure you didn’t mean for it to be funny, but that’s the way it’s perceived.
I cannot go on any longer. The movie might be worth renting, in your own home, with the kids in bed. However, save the dough and avoid the bad script and meddling kids.
2 out of 5. But I am looking forward to Hide and Seek, scheduled to come out 1/28/05. That’s another scary film rated R (YAY!) and starring Robert De Niro, Famke Jensen, Elisabeth Shue and Dakota Fanning. Please tell me De Niro wouldn’t agree to a crappy script, please! And for her age, Dakota Fanning is a stud of an actress (less that awful Uptown Girls film she did)!
So the movie White Noise comes out, based on the very real EVP. It looks and sounds like it has all the makings of a great scary movie, right? Oh, and Michael Keaton, one of my favorite actors, came back from the dead (so to speak) to star in it. I was SO excited; I thought this would be a great, fun scary movie to start off the year. Then I realized it was rated PG-13 and we were going to see it on opening weekend, at night. Flashbacks of loud, overreacting kids at Swim Fan came to my mind, but we were chaperoning my nephew and 12 of his buds for his birthday, so what the hell.
Keaton plays Jonathan Rivers, a successful architect and father on his second marriage to an aspiring young writer named Anna (Chandra West). When his new wife disappears, some whack-o named Raymond Price (Ian McNeice) follows Rivers to tell him his dead wife is speaking to Price through EVP. Ya see Price has some big set-up of TV screens and recording devices. He is obsessed with communicating with the dead through EVP! When Rivers meets a woman named Sarah Tate (Deborah Kara Unger) at Price’s house and he sees how this EVP has affected her and helped her cope with a recent death in her family, he starts to believe. Then, he starts to obsess! Seriously, even the kid is asking if he’s going to be OK. I mean, the guy stares at a fuzzy TV all damn day! And don't get me started on the blind psychic - seriously, how can she have visions if she CAN'T SEE!
I’m done with the description of the film because I don’t want to give away anything if you want to see it, but I’ve got to tell you why this film did not work for me.
The first and foremost issue with ANY scary movie is trying to shoot for the PG-13 rating. God bless the kids we brought because all were very well behaved, but they were the exception to the rule. Besides, every one of them came walking out of the film saying, “I don’t get it.” And the girls at these films are constantly overreacting to the slightest scares and jumpy parts. We’re talking high-pitched, shrilling screams! No need for that crap – just add a few more f-words so we can get an R rating and people that can handle this kind of film will enjoy it for what it is. I walk out of the theater after a PG-13 scary movie wondering if it was indeed scary – without the screams of the kids, who knows?
Another issue I had with this film was that it didn’t live up to its potential. Seriously, EVP is a creepy thing and seeing it on the TV show Ghost Hunters is the only highlight that show ever provides.
The biggest issue with the film is the awful script. The film took almost forever to set up and get moving. And Keaton, dude, I know you need work, but DAMN! When you turned to the TV screen, pointed and said, “she’s gonna die because she’s on the tape!” I seriously chuckled. That was a horrible, stupid line and I can’t believe he had to stoop down that far to pay the rent.
If I can go back to the PG-13 rating issue, other than the kids not getting it and the overreacting girls, here’s the biggest problem: kids react differently to situations than adults. For instance, you can’t injure a character and then show them in the next scene tooling around in a motorized wheelchair without expecting the audience to crack up! These people are used to South Park, Office Space, and (insert Ben Stiller movie here) – injured people in motorized wheelchairs are now comedy routines and make for the quick laugh. Sure you didn’t mean for it to be funny, but that’s the way it’s perceived.
I cannot go on any longer. The movie might be worth renting, in your own home, with the kids in bed. However, save the dough and avoid the bad script and meddling kids.
2 out of 5. But I am looking forward to Hide and Seek, scheduled to come out 1/28/05. That’s another scary film rated R (YAY!) and starring Robert De Niro, Famke Jensen, Elisabeth Shue and Dakota Fanning. Please tell me De Niro wouldn’t agree to a crappy script, please! And for her age, Dakota Fanning is a stud of an actress (less that awful Uptown Girls film she did)!
posted by Pat Angello, 1:04 PM