Saturday, April 16, 2005
Unexpected Emotion
So a couple weekends ago we were working on cleaning out our basement/family room. As part of this process I opened up a trunk in which was a big teddy bear I had as a kid. There he was, Big Charlie, just where I put him years ago. I hadn't really seen him in a long time. Hadn't missed him. Hadn't wondered where he was. I figured that since I obviously didn't miss him while he was packed away I ought to pack him in with all the other things we were taking to the Goodwill. After more packing, culling of stuff and loading the junk in the car off we went.
I put Big Charlie in the donation bin along with several sweaters, books long ago read and never to be read again, and a bunch of other stuff. After dropping the stuff off we went into the store to poke around and see what was to be seen. We picked up a couple childrens books for the kids and a recent best seller for myself. As we were walking out of the store I caught Big Charlie staring back at me from the donation bin. Suddenly I felt awful. It was as if I had written off part of my childhood. Betrayed my friendship with Big Charlie. Almost as if I was abandoning him. But, I willed myself to listen to my rational side not my emotional side. I hadn't missed him all the years he was packed away. I never once wondered where he was or longed to play with him. I was doing the smart thing, I was clearing out space. I was getting rid of the old and making room for the new. I did run over to him, gave him a final squeeze and followed my wife and kids to the car.
For much of the remaining day I wondered if I did the right thing. Should I have kept Big Charlie? Was I being overly sentimental? Did I betray part of my childhood? I was really amazed that I felt as conflicted and sorrowful over this as I did. I thougth about driving back and "rescuing" him.
In the end I didn't go back. I didn't retrieve Big Charlie. I don't feel so bad about it anymore but I suppose that the next time we go to that thrift store I'll avoid the toy aisle. Partly because I'd be sad if he wasn't there because some kid brought him home. Partly because if I did see him it would mean that nobody wanted him, this part of my childhood. Funny, I never expected to feel this way.
I put Big Charlie in the donation bin along with several sweaters, books long ago read and never to be read again, and a bunch of other stuff. After dropping the stuff off we went into the store to poke around and see what was to be seen. We picked up a couple childrens books for the kids and a recent best seller for myself. As we were walking out of the store I caught Big Charlie staring back at me from the donation bin. Suddenly I felt awful. It was as if I had written off part of my childhood. Betrayed my friendship with Big Charlie. Almost as if I was abandoning him. But, I willed myself to listen to my rational side not my emotional side. I hadn't missed him all the years he was packed away. I never once wondered where he was or longed to play with him. I was doing the smart thing, I was clearing out space. I was getting rid of the old and making room for the new. I did run over to him, gave him a final squeeze and followed my wife and kids to the car.
For much of the remaining day I wondered if I did the right thing. Should I have kept Big Charlie? Was I being overly sentimental? Did I betray part of my childhood? I was really amazed that I felt as conflicted and sorrowful over this as I did. I thougth about driving back and "rescuing" him.
In the end I didn't go back. I didn't retrieve Big Charlie. I don't feel so bad about it anymore but I suppose that the next time we go to that thrift store I'll avoid the toy aisle. Partly because I'd be sad if he wasn't there because some kid brought him home. Partly because if I did see him it would mean that nobody wanted him, this part of my childhood. Funny, I never expected to feel this way.
posted by Anonymous, 7:22 PM
1 Buffaloes were bitter enough to post comments:
I'm guessing Big Charlie will be bought up by a caring mother/father for a more unfortunate kid and he will once again bring joy and companionship to a child - as he did for you. And perhaps one day if he's not too worn out he'll again recycle into a child's heart.