Thursday, September 22, 2005
Clever Title Here
OK, this is not nearly as interesting as hearing about fun trips to visit friends but I thought it was worth sharing. The men’s room I use at work has three urinals one of which is handicap accessible meaning it is about 6 inches above the ground. It is a normal sized urinal just REALLY low. The arrangement of the urinals, from left to right is Standard Standard Handicap. I suspect the reason behind this layout is so somebody in a wheelchair could roll up and do his business while only potentially interfering with one other person, the guy directly to his left. The flaw in this arrangement is that, as most men will attest, if a guy can take a whiz right next to somebody or have that nice one urinal buffer zone he’ll invoke his right to the zone. Furthermore, most guys I know will, if faced with the triple urinal combination, take an end thus ensuring the one urinal buffer zone. With the Standard Standard Handicap arrangement in my restroom, if Dude 1 walks into the bathroom, follows protocol and takes the Standard urinal on the left, and Dude 2 walks in there is a dilemma. Dude 2 has to decide on the lesser of two evils: does he use the second Standard urinal right next to Dude 1 thusly violating the buffer zone protocol or does he follow buffer zone protocol and whiz in the Handicap urinal?
Have you ever tried to use a Handicap urinal? Not as easy as it might sound - there is more aiming, the likelihood of getting backsplatter on you pantlegs is increased, and it just doesn’t feel right. It is just nice to stand there, whiz and not think about it. You have to think when using a Handicap urinal. When I’m whizzing I don’t want to have to think.
So, my proposal is to stick the Handicap urinal in the middle slot. It maintains the buffer zone and still complies the American’s With Disabilities Act. Furthermore, I have not once seen somebody in a wheelchair or otherwise handicapped use the Handicap urinal. It appears to be superfluous. The appendix of the bathroom, if you will.
All of this was going through my head moments ago when whizzing in the men’s room. I went to the far left Standard urinal when in walks another guy. He followed buffer zone protocol and used the Handicap urinal. I turned to him and said “Don’t you think it would make sense to put the Handicap urinal in the middle?” (Insert David Foster Wallace-esqe Footnote here – I work in the Intelligence Analysis branch. Presumably MOST of the people on my floor are Analysts. Their job is to look at information and analyze it. – End Footnote) He turns to me and says, “I dunno’." Whaddya' mean you DON’T KNOW!!!??? You are a frigging Analyst for God’s sake. You should be able to pick up what I’m laying down. The proper response should have been, “Well, that goes without saying, doesn’t it?” Damn Analysts!
Have you ever tried to use a Handicap urinal? Not as easy as it might sound - there is more aiming, the likelihood of getting backsplatter on you pantlegs is increased, and it just doesn’t feel right. It is just nice to stand there, whiz and not think about it. You have to think when using a Handicap urinal. When I’m whizzing I don’t want to have to think.
So, my proposal is to stick the Handicap urinal in the middle slot. It maintains the buffer zone and still complies the American’s With Disabilities Act. Furthermore, I have not once seen somebody in a wheelchair or otherwise handicapped use the Handicap urinal. It appears to be superfluous. The appendix of the bathroom, if you will.
All of this was going through my head moments ago when whizzing in the men’s room. I went to the far left Standard urinal when in walks another guy. He followed buffer zone protocol and used the Handicap urinal. I turned to him and said “Don’t you think it would make sense to put the Handicap urinal in the middle?” (Insert David Foster Wallace-esqe Footnote here – I work in the Intelligence Analysis branch. Presumably MOST of the people on my floor are Analysts. Their job is to look at information and analyze it. – End Footnote) He turns to me and says, “I dunno’." Whaddya' mean you DON’T KNOW!!!??? You are a frigging Analyst for God’s sake. You should be able to pick up what I’m laying down. The proper response should have been, “Well, that goes without saying, doesn’t it?” Damn Analysts!
posted by Anonymous, 1:24 PM
3 Buffaloes were bitter enough to post comments:
I'm not sure why you went with "Clever Title Here" when "Urinalysis" practically begs to be used instead.
Mens room dynamics and engineering are odd. In my previous building, two urinals served about 250 men. One of these urinals was a standard old flushy type. The one closest to the door, however, had been replaced, or "upgraded," to water-free -- the type you don't flush. With these beauties, cleaning staff are supposed to keep tabs on a cartridge that contains a viscous fluid that's less dense than urine. The fluid floats on top of the urine, thus sealing the smell, etc., from the bathroom. It's an intriguing design I might consider for my home, assuming I wanted a urinal in my home (which I do, having had one as a kid). But in practical applications, these things get all clogged up with pubic hair, gum, and kidney stones ("solids," as the manufacturers' literature so concisely describes it) long before the cleaning staff gets around to replacing the cartridge. So, for days on end someone would have taped an "out of service" sign to the back of the urinal, and the 250 guys would have to line up to use the flushy flusher.
But whenever it was working, I always used the non-flusher. It's nice to pee and not have to touch anything but the zipper on your fly.
Mens room dynamics and engineering are odd. In my previous building, two urinals served about 250 men. One of these urinals was a standard old flushy type. The one closest to the door, however, had been replaced, or "upgraded," to water-free -- the type you don't flush. With these beauties, cleaning staff are supposed to keep tabs on a cartridge that contains a viscous fluid that's less dense than urine. The fluid floats on top of the urine, thus sealing the smell, etc., from the bathroom. It's an intriguing design I might consider for my home, assuming I wanted a urinal in my home (which I do, having had one as a kid). But in practical applications, these things get all clogged up with pubic hair, gum, and kidney stones ("solids," as the manufacturers' literature so concisely describes it) long before the cleaning staff gets around to replacing the cartridge. So, for days on end someone would have taped an "out of service" sign to the back of the urinal, and the 250 guys would have to line up to use the flushy flusher.
But whenever it was working, I always used the non-flusher. It's nice to pee and not have to touch anything but the zipper on your fly.
Did ESPN lose the cleaning crew's picks, too?
I'm all about the middle. Do you get stage fright if someone is next to you? Wuss!