Friday, October 14, 2005
Buffalo Tipping
I can't explain exactly why, but it's been on my mind the past few days: cow tipping. Specifically, how many idiots really believe 1) it can actually be done, and 2) it is done recreationally in areas where there are cows?
Let's consider the evidence. You say you've been cow tipping yourself? Really? Did you actually tip a fucking cow? No? You were too drunk to sneak up on them effectively, made too much noise? You got scared and ran away? Well, that doesn't count. Unless you actually tipped a cow, you didn't go cow tipping. You merely attempted to go cow tipping. That's different.
Ah, OK. You know someone who's tipped a cow. Who, exactly? Your brother's friend? Ah. OK. But you didn't actually see the cow being tipped yourself, did you? That doesn't count either.
When I heard a guy in Washington was killed getting it on with a horse (yeah, you read that right), I was suspicious of its authenticity, too. Then I heard it happened at a farm where people go to have sex with animals (eck, I know), and videotape it. So I figured this guy probably had his, uh, encounter, with the horse taped -- and in this day of digital file swapping surely I could find a digital copy of that tape somewhere. And I did. And I watched it, though I'm not terribly proud of that part.
So, surely... if the guy who makes sweet love to a horse and dies from it consents to being filmed, then no doubt with all the cow tipping going on in the world some college student somewhere has filmed a cow tipping incident and posted it to the web, right? I Googled "cow tipping video" and was encouraged to see 31,500 results! But when I started linking to those sites, not a one of them had any video -- they were all just chatter, like this post. So now, if you do the search, you'll see 31,501 hits.
OK then. Could you tip a refrigerator? What if it was sitting in the middle of a a muddy field? How about if it was just five feet tall and loaded with 800 pounds of lead weights? This analogy comes from an excellent article on Cow Tipping in the Wikipedia, required reading for any cow tipping skeptic.
The fact is, cows don't lend themselves to being tipped. They are heavy, and their weight is distributed low to the ground (think of those fat tummies). Moreover, cows are herd animals. They evolved knowing predators see them as easy prey, and have developed a pretty keen awareness of their surroundings so they can get away if they are approached by something unfamiliar. Oh yeah, I forgot: cows sleep on the ground, with their legs curled underneath them.
Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence or logical reasoning to support its very existence, people argue you can, in fact, tip cows. And they'll tell you it's true because they know someone who's done it. It's maddening, trying to explain the truth to these folks. Absolutely maddening.
Which brings me to "Intelligent Design"...
Let's consider the evidence. You say you've been cow tipping yourself? Really? Did you actually tip a fucking cow? No? You were too drunk to sneak up on them effectively, made too much noise? You got scared and ran away? Well, that doesn't count. Unless you actually tipped a cow, you didn't go cow tipping. You merely attempted to go cow tipping. That's different.
Ah, OK. You know someone who's tipped a cow. Who, exactly? Your brother's friend? Ah. OK. But you didn't actually see the cow being tipped yourself, did you? That doesn't count either.
When I heard a guy in Washington was killed getting it on with a horse (yeah, you read that right), I was suspicious of its authenticity, too. Then I heard it happened at a farm where people go to have sex with animals (eck, I know), and videotape it. So I figured this guy probably had his, uh, encounter, with the horse taped -- and in this day of digital file swapping surely I could find a digital copy of that tape somewhere. And I did. And I watched it, though I'm not terribly proud of that part.
So, surely... if the guy who makes sweet love to a horse and dies from it consents to being filmed, then no doubt with all the cow tipping going on in the world some college student somewhere has filmed a cow tipping incident and posted it to the web, right? I Googled "cow tipping video" and was encouraged to see 31,500 results! But when I started linking to those sites, not a one of them had any video -- they were all just chatter, like this post. So now, if you do the search, you'll see 31,501 hits.
OK then. Could you tip a refrigerator? What if it was sitting in the middle of a a muddy field? How about if it was just five feet tall and loaded with 800 pounds of lead weights? This analogy comes from an excellent article on Cow Tipping in the Wikipedia, required reading for any cow tipping skeptic.
The fact is, cows don't lend themselves to being tipped. They are heavy, and their weight is distributed low to the ground (think of those fat tummies). Moreover, cows are herd animals. They evolved knowing predators see them as easy prey, and have developed a pretty keen awareness of their surroundings so they can get away if they are approached by something unfamiliar. Oh yeah, I forgot: cows sleep on the ground, with their legs curled underneath them.
Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence or logical reasoning to support its very existence, people argue you can, in fact, tip cows. And they'll tell you it's true because they know someone who's done it. It's maddening, trying to explain the truth to these folks. Absolutely maddening.
Which brings me to "Intelligent Design"...
posted by Bill Purdy, 7:31 AM
1 Buffaloes were bitter enough to post comments:
I went to college in nE. People there SWORE they went cow-tipping. Again, no evidence.
So, did you check ALL 31,500 sites for video evidence? Really? Did you ACTUALLY visit every fucking site? No? Not enough time on your hands? You actually have to "work" for a living? Well that doesn't mean there is no evidence out there, Mr. 31,501.
So, did you check ALL 31,500 sites for video evidence? Really? Did you ACTUALLY visit every fucking site? No? Not enough time on your hands? You actually have to "work" for a living? Well that doesn't mean there is no evidence out there, Mr. 31,501.